Saturday, January 31, 2009

Poems by Mark Binsted

Inside me there is so much fire, that fuels my love and hate, im either loving and caring, or angry n irate, controlled fire im soothin, comfortin n warmin, uncontrolled i reap havic n destruction, u cant stop me swarmin, iv got two voices in my head, its making me insane, one telling me to love everyone, the other to inflict pain, so sick of showin love, n getting none back, the world should suck my dick, n tounge my sack, whenever iv shown love, iv been used, for the majority of my life, iv been fukn abused, used to be full of love, always helped n gave my heart, fuk the world, uv torn it apart, people wonder why im mean, why im hard, cause im fukn, physically n emotionally scarred, I am who I am, so I can get by, at least this way, I don’t feel n don’t cry, im fukn cynical, not willing to trust, so much fire in me, Im about 2 combust, don’t like what iv become, sik of causing strife, iv had thoughts playin in my head, “marky boy take your own life”, but I aint a coward no more, n that’s the easy way out, fukn why me god, I look to the heavens n shout, for 20 fukn years, all iv felt is pain, why should I change? What can I possibly gain? my whole life, iv been maltreated, even before I could walk, I was fukn beated, ppl are telling me, to let down my defences, I know it aint the real me, just my safety pretences, inside of me somewhere, is a lovin little boy, but externally cause iv been in the ring, ima fighter like Roy, part of me wants to, let someone in, show someone love, make my n there heart sing, but is it worth the risk, of getting hurt again, but it’s a fukn sad life I live, only hurtin n pain, I keep people at bay, so they cant get 2 close aight, it’s a fukn lonely place, but I still bark n bite, I honestly believe, everyone has some dark motive, stay 3 feet away, is my motif, you can see it in my eyes, see all my anger, I use it to mask my pain, that feelings a stranger, I wanna reach out, but im 2 scared, my life lacks love, im emotionally impaired, I cant remember, bein given hugs or gifts, the most common affection I got, was belts n fists, I tell it how it is, not how it might be, ima lone wolf, fukn daily n nightly

There are many questions, does life have a meaning? What do I need to be happy? My mind is scheming. For these answers, I fukn yearn, I study I analyse, just wanna learn, I need solution, resolution, minds in revolution, causin chaos n pollution, in a state of confusion, fuck, im stuck, gots no luck, feel like a schmuck, maybe me intellectualising, is jus a form of catastrophising, that aint surprising, my mind, needs summarising, do I have a purpose? Why am I alive? I needs a plan, needs to contrive, need self acceptance, need self love, need to be pushed, need to be shoved, need encouragement, need to be affirmed, now I realise, that im quite concerned, I care about living, jus want to be happy, that 2 much 2 ask? Sik of being sappy, I no that myself, is all that I need, have 2 accept it, gotta cede, girls cash n that, all those trivial things, aint nothing of substance, that they brings, yea I understand, that there an attraction, but materialistic n intangible shit, is just a fukn distraction, want to belive it will make me happy, far from the truth, having that idealisation, its flippin uncouth. Just gotta be patient, the answers probably wont come, n the more I try, the more will b undone, just gotta accept me for me, that most likely it, if I said that’s gon b easy, im full of shit, Pandora’s box been opened, so much negative shit released, last was faith, but it aint the least

Take a chance n get 2 know me, ull c so much love in this homie, and then mayb u can show me, a reason 2 live, ill tell u something bout mark Binsted, he wakes up everyday n wishes he was dead, yeah he gots a few screw loose in his head, but give this homie a chance, u c everyday is the same, I wake up n all there is is pain, fuk its driving me insane, y do I have 2 live this way? U c im walking this path all alone, don’t think im strong enough on my own, 2 walk the right path I need 2 be shown, will u b there for me? I need you 2 be my guide, I cant do it on my own iv tried, will u walk along my side? I need some direction, u c I slipped I fell, everyday all I do is dwell, I don’t wanna live in a jail cell, that’s where ima end up, I need a shoulder to lean on, a pedestal to pray upon, this battle needs to be won, someone show me the light

I need u 2 do something, can u do a favour for me? If you can do this thing, baby you’ll set me free, take away all the hurting, all the pain, cause this homie, wants to smile again, c iv become dark n tainted, and girl if u were mine, I would light up baby, baby I would shine, so what im actually askin girl, is do u want to be with me, I want u to know girl, ill love u unconditionally, now I wanna hear u say yes baby, cause im not gonna take u sayin no or maybe, now my thoughts n feelings I just outlined, now tell me baby, whats on your mind?

Who what and why, I ask these question and look up at the sky, who am I what am I doing on earth and why, tell me god I don’t mean to pry. Why am I living if im just living to die? No response, I give a deep sigh, help me lord I just wanna cry, but if he doesn’t hear me, why should I try? Am I all alone in this fearful place? Show me a guiding hand, please your grace, lord your love I want to embrace, to you I must be a disgrace, my past I wish I could erase, my heart has become dark and it I need to replace

It’s when things go to shit you start asking yourself a question, where am I going in life this homie needs direction, wouldn’t of made it if there wasn’t so much love and affection, I need to look in the mirror and do I like the reflection? Iv gots to make up my mind who do I want to be? I needs to open my eyes cause I needs to see, what does the future have in store for me? I needs a door opened but you gots they key. Can you help me gets back of my feet? Cause on my own myself ill cheat, cause on my own myself ill deceit, with u by my side I won’t accept defeat! You no u gotta change when all u do is cry, when ur so scared you wish that u would just die, iv fuked up hard now but dont focus on why, dry eyes chin up n change do it dont just try

It’s a sad reality, a tragedy, no love for this homie, not even from his family, everytime iv opened my heart; its been slashed, smashed, fukn gashed; right open, niggers hopein, barely copin, thinkin bout ropein, but I aint gonna quit, not over this shit, but I admit, love I jus wanna embrace it, step up n face it, ill be cautious but n case it; out, I jus wanna shout, whats life about, Iv been ratted on, spatted on, foes blood been splattered on, had enough; so im walkin away, I aint gonna stay, ok! Sick n tired of this stuff, sick n tired of waklin round tough, so whats my life’s been rough, I got a low pair, I got dealt duces, new life, is what this homie chooses, no more, fukn excuses, im breakin free, do u follow me, opened my eyes now I see, you cant stop me, iv been burnt, lessons been learnt, should find love, but im bein inert, stay the fuck outta my way, unless u wanna lose ya life 2 day, enemies, ill make u pay, im blockin everything out, with anger n rage, my whole life, iv been livin on that page, I need magic, where’s my sage, I don’t like bein loco, I jus wanna let go, no need to put homies on show, I needs a good girl, n not some hoe, no more, drugs bein wracked, gots 2 get a job, n not b sacked, no more, walkin round with my glock compact, I jus wanna practise compassion, n that’s a fact, but I gets angry, n I jus react, I get mad n I holler, rob homies n take there dollar, part of me still wants to be a baller

A Crimson Climax by Alain Ortega

The climax of my story
At the height of it all
I wonder what I'm still doing here
Why am I waiting just to fall?

Ive never been certain of what drives me
Ive never been certain of who I want to be
Ive never been certain of much
But what I know is what I need

Ive lost many people I love
Ive run from those who care
But here I am still moving on
Not really knowing what is there

Dye me crimson
Cover me in blood
I'm still moving on
Still thinking I'll never be gone

The climax of my story
Too many things run through my head
Why am I still here while those I love, some are dead
At the height of it all here I am still waiting, waiting just to fall

I was told life is a circle
I wrote about it
I was told life never makes sense
I thought about it

Its really true though
Life won't make sense
Almost like this poem
In my head it won't ever rest

I'll go over and over
Not knowing how I strayed
It annoys me
And still it will never change

Things are done for a reason
God makes it that way
He shows us what's wrong
But lets us make the mistakes

So at the climax of my story
Still here I stand
Not knowing what to do
Not knowing who I am

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dizzy From My Words by Alexandra Ortegon

Miserable last haven trips
Slowly valuable life died
Laughs gravely heard
Unfair long loves fell like haze
Old dreaded fears reemerge
Fifteen days of passion gone
Faster than a lit cigarette left alone in the raging wind
They say stability is not your style
Yet with your beautiful mind and dark addictions you don’t care
The sound of dying
The fear of trusting reality
It’s a playground of death and despair
In the depths of my personal hell
While purple glitter multi-colored tears run down her face
Following a candy coated smile
They live in a bright dark happy sad emotional place
Aching pain and bloody tears
Memories dangling like razors tearing my flesh
Lies spill from your tongue like venom
That I happily drink up
Like a puppet doll wrapped in unbreakable string
You are the actor and I am your stage
So take your bow and walk away

As If by Alexandra Ortegon

You write of souls...
As if you had one
As if it did not run away
As if one consumed that empty body of yours

You write of minds...
As if yours was not lost
As if you’ve had it all along
As if it were not so far as to not be reached

You write of tears...
As if yours flowed clear
As if the metal in your hand had not forced them out
As if you knew how to let them flow

You write of love...
As if you had experience
As if you ever fell into the vortex of its fakeness
As if you were ever that happy

You write of hate...
As if you never felt it
As if no one hurt you
As if you never wanted to kill them

You write of sex...
As if you enjoy it
As if were never taken from you
As if you were not scared of it

You write of demons...
As if you have none
As if they don’t haunt you mercilessly
As if they didn’t keep you awake at night

You write of hope...
As if it exists
As if you had not lost it
As if it were still out there somewhere

by Alexandra Ortegon

Rip out the wings of a butterfly...
A momentary happiness
Spawned by weakness
Slowly hope lets go and becomes extinct
Leaving me behind while I turn into dust
As I sit and stare unaware hiding behind walls of sorrow
In enchanted forests full of fairies and butterfly wings
In the sea of devils angels still remain
Making teddy bear memories
With words like violence
My confidence fades within a fallen dream
Behind your illusion
Forever and a day
Faceless shadows
Frozen in time
They are pieces of yesterday
And I'm not afraid to dream under your wing
My thoughts return to when I knew myself
Into wonderland and forgotten fairytales
Before my innocence was stolen
But in time angels lose their wings
Between whispers and dreams
The loneliness sets in
And in that moment of weakness I almost told…

Stuck in an Hourglass by Lauren Leigh

tumbling down
slowly slipping
just when i get back up
just when my luck has turned around,
i fall back down again
i can't escape this cycle
rising up, then falling down
i never seen to win
this vicious cycle is not for the weak
only the strong survive
i could stay like this forever,
but i don't want to
i want to break free

i slowly slip back in time
to the way things used to be,
but it makes it hurt even more
tumbling and stumbling through time,
not knowing which is up or down
tormented by the past
until i finally land
once again inside the hourglass
tossing and turning with grains of sand
an unpleasant mixture
of wounds and sand
as time goes on, cut cuts grow deeper
turning and turning and turning and turning...

Tears by Lauren Leigh

t falls like rain
drops at a time
dropping down
rain with a reason

the cloud let loose
but not all at once
a drop at a time
is enough
too many could
cause a flood

she doesn't want people
to see the rain
using her hand
to destroy it
but it's not use
the rain still falls
a single drop
a single drop